Finding clarity

Never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that leading, teaching and mentoring is what I’d be doing or that energy would be my main tool.  In fact, I started on this path 2 years ago in Bali, and then I just stopped.  Everything got hard, I was confused over what I was doing, and it was easier to fall back into my old habits.  I was overwhelmed by the sheer amount of information I was getting and I didn’t know how to process it.  No clarity – plenty of connection – but completely ungrounded.  I was reminded of this by a wee conversation I had last night.  Life has become so busy and we’re constantly bombarded by information.  How do we sort the chaff from the wheat?

In the past there was a lot of fear attached to following my intuition.  Where did that fear come from?  A fear of seeing and being seen.  Of being on a stage and being critiqued by the masses.  A fear of success because of what I’d have to do to get there.  A fear of the unknown, of uncertainty and definitely of being labelled a quack-freak by some uneducated and inexperienced skeptics.

But I’m fast running out of excuses and fears.  This little chapter of my life has certainly reaffirmed that much.  Things become clear real quick when you’re watching someone you love dying in front of you.

The best advice I could give for identifying the next step to take, is to take time everyday to sit in stillness.   Ask a question, and wait for the answer.  Here are my top 3 tips for finding clarity:

  1. Be still – meditate
  2. Listen
  3. Practice self care – whatever that means for you


Reiki and me

Just for today,

Do not anger,

Do not worry, and

Be filled with gratitude,

Devote yourself to your work, and

Be kind to people.

There are always crucial points in any journey – transformational junctures, game changing situations and ‘aha’ moments.  Its only when we sit in stillness that we can distinguish the learning from those moments.

This last weekend was one of those – or should I say another one of those.  Because the last 4 weeks has been a cacophony of them – so much so that I’m starting to question who I am….or to be more precise – who I was.

Scott’s Mum has been diagnosed with terminal, inoperable, small cell carcinoma of the lung.  As with all small cell cancer of the lung, its aggressive.  

Because I’m intent on helping her as best I can, I asked for guidance on the tools I’d need to help me do that.  And Wallah! Up popped the Reiki 2 practitioner training.  

Its important for me to be very open and ask for what I need.  I’ve experienced the power of focussed attention and its wildly exciting.  If I’m in flow the abundance is non stop.  But there is a lot of refinement that can only be learned through experience and practice when it comes to receiving.  Clarity only comes with grounded relaxed energy.  Reiki gives me the tools to do that.

….so here I am back on the grief bandwagon..

My realisation of the next stage of grief I must experience is profound and wistfully beautiful.  I didn’t get the chance to say goodbye to my man.  I didn’t get the chance to hold him, support him and tell him I love him as he took his last breath.  I didn’t get the chance and sometimes I have a deep resentment for being robbed of that opportunity.   So now I get the chance, through his mother, to do that.  And so much more.  Its a true gift of humility to hold space for anyone.  But to do that for someone I love as I celebrate their life..and as their physical body leaves this realm…words can’t describe how important this is to me.

So I’m packing up my Reiki hands and winging to Hervey Bay on Friday.  

I’m asking for universal support and guidance to be wrapped around me in a big insulating bubble to take with me.  I’m assured that this community will in turn be holding space for me over the next week.  Thats the cool thing about Reiki – I give AND I receive.


SIBO & the magic of oregano oil

Its 9 minutes past midnight.  I can’t think of anything better to do when I can’t sleep, than write a blog.

I have a recurring food addiction with wheat. I know my body.  It does not like wheat.  It does not function on wheat.  Yet my brain tells me I love the texture and bite and gut filling satisfaction of wheat.  My brain is clearly very wrong in this equation.

Last week in a display of dumbness, I ordered fish and salad at the pub.  Of course it was battered fish with yummy fries.  Did I eat it?  Yes.  Because I’m a piglet and very stupid and I want to eat bread.  Its now 6 days later and I’m finally getting the last of that bad decision out of my system.  

I woke up this morning with 2 things on my mind – SIBO and Oil of oregano.

SIBO is Small Intestinal Bacterial Overgrowth. While I’ve been focusing on my large intestine, I’ve neglected to treat my VERY important small  intestine.  You can read a little about SIBO by clicking here.  No idea if SIBO is something I dreamed up, but I’ve skim read enough articles to know it fits my profile and I’m fairly certain my intuition is pointing me in the right direction on this occasion.  

Enter antibiotic/antibacterial extraordinaire – Oil of oregano.

Oil of oregano is one of my staple first aid kit medicines along with a packet of vegan capsules to take it with.  While I was in Bali it was a godsend with all the fungus, virus and bacteria present everywhere.  Dependant on the condition, usually 4 drops 2-3 times a day would fix most problems.  The only drawback is it destroys good gut bacteria so a round of probiotics is a good idea after using.  Or go hard on the fermented drinks, kefir, komboucha, rejuvelac, sauerkraut juice – whatever you prefer.  Go low sugar preferably.

So today I’ve had 2 doses of OOO and man do I feel like a million dollars compared to this time last week.  

I’ve peed out copious anounts of retained water and at 00:34 I’m getting up for the 3rd time in 50 mins to pee again.  Magic.

Seriously, why do I do this to myself??

No more wheat!!!

Project for next available free time – make life changing bread.  This is is a yummy wheat free, full of nuts and seeds loaf that tastes great toasted with avo and a marmite-like healthy organic yeast spread (sans the additional sugar).  For the recipe, click here.

I will double this recipe so it makes a fuller square sized piece of bread rather than a small rectangle.  This is very similar to the loaf that Hapi in Napier makes which retails for $26.  This recipe is much cheaper and you can use more seeds and less nuts for a better value loaf.

Happy wheatfree living everyone 💜

Very interesting blog article

How the red moon woman rolls

Exit stage left boys – this one’s for the women out there – especially the ones who are hormonally challenged.

Hormones are pretty hard to understand. Even if I’m trying hard to listen to my bodies signals, the messages are often cryptic and confusing when it comes to chick health.

Enter lunar wisdom.  I’ve been following and taking note of moon cycles for a couple of years now….Because my banker brain needed to be convinced that there was some substance to this hoodoo voodoo.  Well all I needed to do was accept what I already knew.  If the moon can move oceans – how can it not affect everything else on earth, including my own body?  For years we have sowed and harvested by the moon cycle.  Lunar power has been accepted for centuries.   Any farmer worth his salt knows sowing seeds on the full moon ensures a bountiful harvest.

After deliberating over tides and almanacs, and as I pondered the mysteries of the feminine, I thought I’d pull up the history from my handy app P tracker and take note of what moon I’ve been cycling on. 

Overall when I’m cycling regularly my period arrives on average 3 days before the full moon.  You’ll read below why this is seen to be unusual:

 I’ve literally copied and pasted the bulk of this blog as it resonated so strongly with me.  For this I need to cite Zagra Haji of yogagoddess.  The reference to the full article is noted below.  

There are two traditional patterns women’s cycles can follow – the Red Moon cycle or the White moon cycle.

You won’t find a lot of literature about women who cycle with the Red Moon. My guess is that’s because of what menstruating with the full moon represented in the past. According to Miranda Gray, this cycle was linked to the archetype of the seductress, the enchantress and the woman who knew how to wield healing power and magic. This was the kind of woman whose sexuality was applied to something ‘other than’ the formation of the next generation. She was considered by our patriarchal ancestors to be the ‘evil woman.’

In truth, the Red Moon cycle belonged to the medicine women, to the midwives, the magic-makers and the wisdom keepers of the community.  These women were not focusing their feminine energies to give birth to children. Rather their energy was used to empower other women and their communities. The first time I read Miranda’s book Red Moon this idea really resonated with me.  I saw myself as the healer-woman. The woman who dives deep into her depths to develop her self-awareness and then turns her energy out to help the world.  I remembered my Great-Grandmother who was a medicine woman and a midwife. And I had a profound aha-moment. That’s why all my Dad’s brothers and sisters called me dadi-ma growing up! They saw me as their grandmother in more ways than they realized. Now I see too, because the Red Moon cycle is also known as the ‘Wise woman’s cycle.’ When a woman ovulates with the full moon her body is following the White Moon cycle. Her body acts as a perfect mirror for the fertility of the earth since the earth herself is most fertile under the light of the full moon. We know this because of bio-dynamic farming practices, which show us that when seeds are planted by the full moon, harvests are most abundant. The White Moon cycle represents the fertile power of women and was considered the cycle of the ‘good mother.’ These women were the ones who were celebrated in patriarchal times under the full moon fires with ceremony and fertility rites.

For me it’s very important to emphasize, whether you tend to menstruate with the full moon or new moon, that both cycles are expressions of the feminine energies and neither is more powerful or more “right” than the other. Instead, they each have their unique role to play in your life as a woman. If your body follows the White Moon cycle you might ask yourself – Are you desiring children? Do you spend a lot of time ‘mothering?’  If you said yes, that’s lovely. Your body is in harmonious balance with the natural fertility of the earth.

If you’re experiencing the opposite cycle where you ovulate at the dark moon and menstruate at the full moon I wonder – Do you desire self- exploration and self-expression? Has your role of mothering children completed? Or is it a role you’re postponing for the future or not planning on at all?

Miranda Gray says, “A woman with the White Moon cycle, bleeding with the dark (new) Moon, becomes linked to the deepest levels of her awareness, reminding her that there exists more than just the world she sees, because she is the carrier of the seed of life. A woman with a Red Moon cycle, bleeding with the full moon, brings the energies and mysteries of her inner darkness out into the world around her as a gift and an offering of the depths of her learning.” Just beautiful isn’t it?

I’d also love you to know that our cycle has a tendency to change along with our life circumstances, emotions, ambitions and goals. I imagine that when I get married and start to plan for a family, my cycle will shift orientation to reflect the change of focus in my life. I don’t believe I’ll need to ‘do’ anything differently to make it happen.

What about you? Do you follow the Red Moon or the White Moon cycle? 

Reference 1

The road less travelled

There are times over the last 3 years when I’ve neglected to admit that my inner turmoil was as a result of my grief process.  It would be true to say that grief was not the reason for it, but it most certainly was the catalyst.  Grief shone a light on all those areas of me and my life that I did not like.  Without mercy, it kept taking me through repeat iterations of the same story until I had the capacity to really listen…..Actually capacity is not even an accurate description.  It was the desperation to change feelings of discomfort, sadness, frustration that motivated me to continue seeking.  Most of the time I didn’t know what I was seeking…mainly I just felt lost with a distinct lack of control over….everything.

I’m an Aries so I don’t tend to spend much time on stuff.  Its challenging to kept myself interested in a project for any length of time. So over the past 3 years I’ve fleetingly engaged in tasks pursuing wellbeing and happiness,  then disengaged, then reengaged half heartedly..then… promptly forgotten everything and returned to my usual state of being.  Such was my rollercoaster.

This weekend I’m on a cycling adventure with 20 yogi’s along the Clutha river.  

And this morning I’m sitting in a massage chair in a fabulous little townhouse in the little south island town of Lawrence.   And  suddenly between massage settings, a thought hit my grey matter.  

I feel at peace.  And I feel satisfied.  And I’m feeling the love.  And I’ve been feeling at peace and in love space 24/7 for a whole month.

Its taken me 3 years and 5 months to get to this place – a process which I thought I’d have aced in 2 years max (said the competitive Aries in me).  

But you can’t rush the process of grief.  It unravels as required.  There’s no doubt that I’ve exacerbated the pain by refusing to learn a few key lessons sooner.  But as any ‘conscious’ person would understand the concept of – this is as it is and was always meant to be.   

On my 12 minute Main St tour of Lawrence I popped into the info centre and picked up a book called The road less travelled.  For $1 it seemed like a good deal.  The tagline: ‘A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth’.

Well it turns out it was the 2nd in the series so I downloaded the first onto my kindle (with free Lawrence WIFI – yes all 470 residents plus everyone who passes through gets free WIFI – score! & what a fab idea😊).

Of course the wisdom that Scott Peck has to tell me through this book is just what I needed to hear right now and certainly inspired this blog.

The first paragraph:

LIFE IS DIFFICULT. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths.  1 It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.

What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one.

Thank you Scott for writing such an easy to read, down to earth and frank guide to the psyche of the human mind.  Because that definition really resonates with me and I can’t think of a more perfect place to receive this wisdom than amongst a group of yogis and cyclists embracing the beauty of nature, life and people.

Because now I get it.  Instead of being in the washing machine, I’ve transitioned.  I’ve taking the guidance and actioned it.  And now I’m no longer suffering separation of Mind, body, Soul. They’re in complete alignment.  

I was on the road less travelled.  I still am.  And I’m all the better for it.

Star gifts:

It was once said:

God stood before his twelve children and into each of them planted the seed of human life. One by one each child stepped forward to receive his appointed gift:


AriesTo you Aries I give the seed first that you might have the honor of planting it. That for every seed you plant one million more will multiply in your hand. You will not have time to see the seed grow, for everything you plant creates more that must be planted. You will be the first to penetrate the soil of people’s minds with My Idea. But it is not your job to nourish the Idea, nor to question it. Your life is action, and the only action I ascribe to you is to begin making men aware of My Creation. For your good work I give you the virtue of Self-Esteem.

To view your star gift, click here.

Transforming cellular Memory in 30 days

When I was on my Bali sojourn I joined a retreat in TCM with Don Hansen.  As the name suggests, it was transformative.  It was a game changer.  And it added to my understanding of me and the human psyche.  

Fast forward 18 months and those same concepts are being reinforced.  The basic premise of TCM is that every emotion, trauma and psychological imbalance is stored within the  cells of the human body.  This causes not only emotional imbalance (unhappiness) but also physical imbalance ie a move away from homeostasis – that place where your body can heal itself.

 I’m Day 7 of a 30 day hot yoga challenge and I’m starting to feel changes in my body already.  They are physical, sure.  My skin is dry.  I’m getting cramp in my feet.  My digestion has changed (positively).  My hormones are balancing out (for the better).  My muscles are flexible and strong.  My complexion is clear.  I’m feeling a little exhausted too.  But I’m loving my new home and community at The Dharma Room.  

The biggest transformation has been unravelling stuck trauma.  Anyone who really knows yoga, knows its not about exercise.  Its about the connection – mind, body, Soul.  Preferably the mind steps aside to allow us to work deep into the cells.

It happened on day 5.  Which happened to be 10 days back into work after a very relaxing 3 week break of relaxation and detox.  I was halfway through a vinyasa flow class and struggling with an asana that required a right hip opener.  I felt so much anger.  I was angry at the teacher for holding it so long.  I was angry that we were only halfway through the class.  I was angry with work (despite loving work since back from break).  It was intense.  And it was provoking.  2 years ago on my first 10 day juice fast, one of my now close friends who practises reiki told me I was storing a lot of anger.  I personally didn’t feel it.  I guess it was buried deep. 

Most of my emotions ARE buried.  Mainly under layers of stress, guilt and anxiety.  But in hindsight, and when I read back on my blogs, anger has always been my go to emotion.  It feels far less vulnerable to be angry than sad or scared or overwhelmed.  

My little Puerto Rico experience really helped me to find my mojo again.  The drive, the passion, the excitement, the clarity and the control have all flooded back into me in a renewed feeling of vigor.  ‘I’m back!’ my cells are screaming.  I’m back – get out of my fkn way – or I will mow you down.  No its not the most zen states of mind but I tell you what….It feels good to unwrap another layer.  My poor little inner child – my blue eyed, blonde ringlet haired cherub ray of light has been crushed and dumped in a dark dirty closet and left to rot.  She forgot how to have fun and its been too long.  She had given up all hope and she is  sad…so sad that she wanted to disappear because there was no hope.  Its going to take some time to restore her faith in humanity…in me…in she can feel safe again.  

In the meantime that anger is protecting me and that child.  But eventually its use will come to an end.  Like a thick layer of  calcium covering my heart, it will crack.  It will dissolve.  And perhaps in many years of yoga…it might even disappear.  

And its back to the mat for me at 9.30am this morning, a bit teary eyed – ready to work a few more demons out…and let a bit more light in.

Buhir mukh munus

– sanskrit for ‘let the mind out of the heart’


I’m only human after all

Its been awhile since I wrote for the ponicorn blog, but while I had all the time in the world in Bali, I don’t have it in the matrixsphere where work and domestic duties seem to leave little time for pondering the mysteries of the world.

But I’ve cast aside daily life for an escape to Puerto Rico to a little retreat by the sea.  I wanted 3 things from my break away to celebrate a year of matrixing:

1.  To visit a tropical country I’d not visited

2.  To be by the ocean

3.  To learn something in the alternative health & wellness or sustainability area

I was considering ‘the farm’ in the Phillipines – their raw food restaurant and tantalising combination of courses and high end accommodation piqued my interest – but it was waay too expensive.

Then a dear friend – a fellow raw chef – suggested the Ann Wigmore Institute in Aguada, Puerto Rico.  Though its a 25-35 hour travel time, the price was better.

Yes the buildings are old, no its not flash, however the content is top class and my balcony is 30m from a beautiful clean beach through swaying palm trees.  That’s enough.

My 2 week course in the living foods lifestyle pioneered by the late Ann Wigmore involves eating A LOT of greenery.  Far more sprouts, wheatgrass and microgreens than I’ve ever consumed EVER.  (Which is saying a lot given the courses and places I’ve done to date!).  

Energy soup is NOT my favourite thing.  For 8 cups of this stuff, 20 cups of sunflower and buckwheat greens alone are used.  And that doesn’t include all the mountains of sprouts!  But this stuff is a whole meal in itself.  And I’m strangely satiated by this monstrous bowl of green (disguised with piles of fresh herbs, ginger, dulse and lime juice).

Then there’s the wheatgrass..I think I dislike it more than the energy soup.  Here at Ann Wigmore, its prized for all of its nutritional qualities as the King of grasses with an  abundance of vitamins, minerals, chlorophyll and blood & immune system strengthening qualities.

Why would any sane person take themselves on this tortureous culinary adventure?

Quite simply, the Ann Wigmore Institute cures people.  Naturally.  With food.

She cured herself of colon cancer.  She has cured many people of cancer and many chronic diseases.  She was an avid researcher, spending her time searching for the foods that are nutrient dense to nourish the body in such a way that the body could uptake those nutrients.  The basic philosophy of the programme is around organic living foods.  

I am a living foods supporter 100% having experienced the benefits of eating enzyme rich food before.  However I seem to have slipped off the bandwagon…

Heres what I’m eating here:

Rejuvelac is an enzyme rich drink fermented from either sprouted quinoa or cabbage.  This easy to make (good value) supplement is akin to a probiotic, providing good bacteria to assist digestion.  This is both raw and living.  1 cup twice daily.

Wheatgrass is taken twice a day – up to 5oz at a time plus just quietly in a variety of other orifices…😐

Blended Energy soup 3 times.  We had 3 continuous days of it as part of the cleanse.  When we were allowed salad for lunch it was like an insane treat!

So what happens after 6 days of cleansing on living foods?  Food starts to taste amazing.  The most subtle changes can be detected.  An apple seems like a guilty treat.  And a tiny treat of blended/dehydrated banana and sunflower seeds blows my mind😂

On the 2nd day I jumped on the scales out of curiosity.  I’d dropped half a kg in 24 hours…..And I’ve continued to drop half a kg every day except today.  Today it was only 300gm….hehe…  All the water being retained in my tissues from all that matrix food I’ve been eating is being expended in a really short period of time.  

All that dairy, starch and sweet and fatty AND processed food which I know does nothing for me has found a hold in my diet.  OMG!😮….  Which makes me really ashamed to admit that in matrixland I haven’t been disciplined enough to stick to my guns when it comes to food.  How ironic can it be for someone telling others to eat well and not doing it herself. Oops.

“porque soy solo humana”    (because I’m only human)

Much love,

From the Ponicorn in Puerto Rico

The End

It’s that time again.  It’s time to move.

8 months ago, I arrived in Bali to this same villa.  I remember throwing open the gate and being pulled into a vortex of community.  I felt like I’d come home.  Last year, I danced, I sang, I played, I learned.  I bathed in the simplicity of 3rd world splendour.

And the people!!…Everyone I met became an important part of my new family…teaching me how to speak, listen and love again…  Like a puzzle piece I slotted straight in.  Despite all challenges, I was in the right place.  I felt so good.

Fast forward to the present

So recently, I moved back.  Because things haven’t felt right recently.  And I wanted to recreate my happy place.  I couldn’t figure out what was so different.  But it just so happens it was another Moment In Time that I was trying to recreate, in my world that felt hysterical…in both a funny and crazy way.

It wasn’t the only reason it feels wrong.  .

I’m tired.  I move slowly… like I just want to get through this day, so I can go to bed.  And the next morning, I don’t want to leave my room.  I make myself leave.  I’m biding time.  I know I’m in the wrong place, but I haven’t quite summoned the courage to move yet.  I’ve been paralysed while my mind clicks away and my heart patiently doodles in the corner waiting for the mind to adjust to an inevitability.

Tonight I wanted to watch TV.  After a year of not watching ANY TV, I wanted to watch TV.  I wanted to watch Greys Anatomy.  I want to cozy up in front of my fire and just pretend that the outside world doesn’t exist…or that my place in it has been filled by someone else.

It’s better the second time round

That’s the message that Greys had to give me tonight.

Well, this resonated to me on a few levels.

No, theres no second time round with Scott.

No, this time round in Bali hasn’t been the same as the first – its been different.

But, Yes, there could be a better second time round for me…if I choose it.

The closing scene – do you remember when you were 7, and the dream you had about what you were going to do when you grew up?  Whatever that dream was, at 7, there were no obstacles, it just was.  It was certain.  It’s intriguing how adulting gets in the way of innocent, dreamy, childlike certainty.

I am exactly where I am.  It’s neither good nor bad.  Its reality.


I’m sad.

You know I thought that this would be the name of the book I’d write.  The acronym would stand for Stress, Anxiety, Depression.  It would be a story on love, loss and grief and how it can impact on health and wellness.  It would play on the themes of spirituality, vulnerability and existentialism.  It would help me.  It would help others.

It turns out the SAD also stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder.  It usually happens in winter.  It’s not cold here.  But its cold at home and I feel like I’m being affected by winter SAD.

Whatever.  I’m still sad.

Delayed Grief

My body is more finely tuned in than I am.  Often in the grief process, overwhelming feelings would hit me, only for me to realise that a certain date had passed, an anniversary or whatever.  My body was responding before my mind connected the dots.

I was surprised at this one.  Maybe I’ve just slowed down enough to be sensitive to it.   It took me awhile to figure out that last year, I was feeling exactly this way.  I’m revisiting and recycling those same feelings.

The same feeling of wanting to protect myself.

The same feeling of denying the world beyond the door.

The same feeling of incarceration.

It doesn’t matter where I am in the world, my body remembers the dates – I can’t run away from it.  And actually, its not for running from.  I can observe it now and understand it.  I know what it is.


The only way to stop the cycle, is to change the cycle.  This is what I have as my 6am calendar entry:

If you want to change your life, start by changing your day

Grief is Interminable

It doesn’t ever go away.

And neither do the mortgage, the bills and 6 month old mail.

So this is the end, my precious Ubud…

For now, our love affair is over.

I will take you, and all of your lessons, with me in my heart.

And I’ll return again, when you call me.

When it feels right.

Mind Medicine

The emotions are considered the major internal causes of disease in TCM. (Traditional Chinese Medicine).  Emotional activity is seen as a normal, internal, physiological response to stimuli from the external environment. Within normal limits, emotions cause no disease or weakness in the body. However, when emotions become so powerful that they become uncontrollable and overwhelm or possess a person, then they can cause serious injury to the internal organs and open the door to disease. It is not the intensity as much as the prolonged duration or an extreme emotion, which causes damage. While Western physicians tend to stress the psychological aspects of psychosomatic ailments, the pathological damage to the internal organs is very real indeed and is of primary concern of the TCM practitioner

I sent this out to a few friends and family members recently:

People mainly think that health is eating healthy food..with some exercise…neglecting the emotional…Is this true?

The answers were wide and varied.  Some chose to focus on the food and ignore any mention of the emotional component.  This is interesting to me when I contextualise my last 18 months.

I wasn’t sick, run down or fatigued before this moment in time.  Sudden loss has all the symptoms of any other serious trauma – this is a fact.
Would you believe me when I tell you that this sudden loss was captured by my body at a cellular level?  ie my highly charged emotional state resulted in disease?  I’m not talking about just sadness and depression.   I’m talking about nervous and hormone systems and internal organs.

Would you believe me if I told you my kidneys represent my fear, my liver represents my anger and my lungs represent my sadness.

Would you believe me if I told you my fear around lack of security – the sense of survival – is causing my mudlahara, my root chakra, my foundation to wobble?

Would you believe that the chaos in my mind was reflected in my blood?

Would you believe me if I told you at a Soul level I invited all of this in, that my path towards SOMETHING is being formed through my experience?

If the mind can heal the body, but the body cannot heal the mind, then the mind must be stronger than the body. Every miracle demonstrates this

  ‘A course in miracles’

Alternative medicine is a bit hopeless at the serious end of disease.  Too little too late in most cases.  It is in fact a lifestyle choice..a preventative.  Determining the onset of serious illness requires listening skills.  The signs can be vague and commonly dismissed.

Of course we can identify the outcomes of common chronic disease by these familiar names – the epidemic of obesity, diabetes, IBS, leaky bowel and thyroid disorders.

But…what if ALL diseases started with a single thought?  What if acne was caused by unsupressed anger.  What if cancer was caused by 30 years of depression and hopelessness?  Would you believe me?

Is all disease preventable?

And  if it is,  where is the stick by which we measure perfect health and whose protocol do we use?  Or do we just suffer on alone searching for remedies and cures?

There is simply too much information in the unisphere (thats a new ponicornism 😉 to intellectualise everything and verify any blanket conclusion….or is there?

Before I go on…let me change gears for a bit…

In a separate conversation on Fear and Anger.  The question was:

Is all fear behind anger?  If so what are you afraid of?

My answer:

Anger is a feeling that is a provocation and an opportunity.  A chance to look inside and observe what person or situation stirred up a reaction in you.  It always comes back to the reaction in yourself and the awareness of the learning thats presented.  Anyone who angers you is your master and your mirror.

Fear is not a feeling.  Its of the mind, therefore an illusion.

But what of anger?  Anger is an emotion that is stored in the liver.  The liver is the bodies largest internal organ.  It is literally the core of chinese medicine and for good reason.  It filters out all the shit that gets poured into the body.  By shit I don’t just mean alcohol, drugs, sugar and processed food.  I mean emotions.

There is no doubt you can f*ck up your body by mistreating it using either method.  But its the mind stuff that interests me.

Take anxiety as an example.  It affects all of the Zang organs.
The spleen for obsessing and over thinking.
The lungs for grief, self esteem and the inability to let go.
The liver, anger, frustration and the inability to let go.
The kidneys fear and phobias.

Anxiety almost always leads to kidney deficiencies because its related to FEAR which is a water deficiency.   And yet anxiety affects multiple organs and in fact the whole body.

In my head I write protocols.  Every minute of everyday I think about a recipe for common chronic, sometimes terminal illness.  If I open my kitchen drawers I find 101 different remedies, supplements and potions.  Yes I’ve learned a lot.  But is it of any use.  Am I just wasting my time?

None of us can afford to spend $12 on chia seeds, but somehow we’ve had to resort to superfoods to keep us going and amp us up because our lives have ACCELERATED.  We are turbo charged, so we must turbo charge our energy.

But…let me take a minute…stop…look inward…change tack…FEEL my body…FEEL the wind on my skin…access the present moment with my breath…observe any contraction or tightness in my body…feel any anxiety in my abdomen…sense tight muscles in my head and neck…experience the swirling chaos in my forehead…unlock my chest, activate my diaphragm, BREATHE from my belly, filling it long and slow then exhaling the longest slowest breath that I’ve ever exhaled.

All of a sudden I feel energy in my feet and legs.  But the rest of me…those tough spots need to be twisted, squeezed and oxygenated out of the tissue.  ie exercise.

In the last 5 minutes I’ve literally diagnosed myself… through a very brief meditation.

1.  Movement required…cardio…yoga…qi gong..
2.  Abdomen tight and full…green juice…probiotics…twists and stretches to stimulate stomach meridians.
3.  Tight neck, crown, shoulders …anxiety, stress or worry…journel…ask the question? Whats causing this?  Look into the reason why… massage…breath

…is literally ‘listening’ to our body, deciphering its messages and taking action on them.

While food, exercise and lifestyle have an impact on health, I can confirm in my experience that exposing your body to long term ‘over thinking’ does not assist regeneration.  And if thoughts are negative in nature…doubt, insecurity, anger, sadness, this could just be the precursor to ALL chronic and serious illness.

Would you believe me if the frenetic pace at which our lives are lived has contributed to an epidemic?

Disease of the mind.

PS I should note that writing is creative and,  as long as it doesn’t require research, is therapeutic as it shifts paralysed thoughts.  Talking Helps, So Does Writing.
James Pennebaker found that the value of expressing deep feelings stemmed first from the willingness to confront the disturbing emotions. By confrontation, he means actively thinking and talking about the experiences and acknowledging the feelings they’ve stirred. Putting those feelings into words makes it easier to understand what has happened and eventually assimilate it into one’s life.