The Inquiry into Freedom


I wonder all the time about the people in my life and why they’re there.  I didn’t really used to care much before.

I thought life was a competition and people were obstacles.

What would Byron Katie say about this?

1. Is it true?
2. Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
3. How do you react when you think that thought?
4. Who would you be without the thought? and

‘Turn it around’

When I go into ‘inquiry or the Work’ as Byron calls it I discover the following:

Life is a competition
Is it true No
How do you react when you think that thought? I feel like a failure
Who would you be without the thought? A success.  Relaxed.
Turn it around  I am in competition.  I am a failure

People are obstacles
Is it true No
How do you react when you think that thought?  Annoyed
Who would you be without the thought?  Less frustrated, patient. Present. At peace.
Turn it around  I am an obstacle

By observing my feelings and my judgements I’ve uncovered freedom.  My strongest emotions towards other people and situations are my truth.  My dark and ugly truth.  Every person tears back a putrid layer and exposes fetid flesh.

The question is, will I stare down my fear or will I turn my back?

Will I embrace myself, cherishing the dark and the light?

I wonder which mirror I should look into.  For no reason other than a fleeting amusement at this present moment.

Which mirror is for learning, teaching, sharing, journeying, loving, playing, friendship?

Which mirror is strong and resolute like a mountain?

Which mirror ebb’s and flows like the tide?

Which mirror will show up like poison and disappear in a storm?

We are all here to serve ourselves..

If I serve myself I serve everyone & everything.

IF I love myself, I have the opportunity to love everyone and everything.  This is freedom.

Love is freedom.  And THIS is the only answer to every question.

What does that mean for me today?
How will I nourish myself today?

I appreciated the fluid movement of a butterfly as she defied gravity and glided past my nose

I found beauty in my thoughts

I found calm in my body

I let go of yesterday

I surrendered to today



Panchakarma means ‘5 actions’.  Pancha means 5.  Karma means action or procedure.

Panchakarma is the penultimate cleanse for the elimination of toxins (ama) and the replenishment of tissues.  Panchakarma comes from the ancient, holistic, healing system of Ayurveda which has its roots in India.

For five thousand years the people of India and China have been using plants to treat every disease known to mankind.  Why?  Because it works.  10 years ago a group of traditional scientists asked US Congress to fund research into Ayurveda.  What started as a $10m project grew into $100m. Ayurveda was approved as an addition to the 27th arm of NCCAM – the National Centre for Complementary and Alternative Medicine as a result.

This study was heavily related to the Human Genome Project which was formed to study how genes function individually and collectively.

How do genes relate to Ayurveda and Panchakarma?

Genes are switched on and off as we age.  When genes are on they make protein and perform a function.  And vice versa.  As we grow older some genes are switched on, others off.

Herbal therapy (ayurveda) works by utilising the protection system of a plant.  Plants produce toxins to protect themselves from insects.  These toxins have a unique ability to bind to our genes.  They provide the switch that the body hasn’t been capable of actioning.

There are 3 stages of PK therapy:
1.  Purva Karma – pre-treatment
2.  Pradhana Karma – primary treatment
3.  Paschat Karma – post treatment

The 5 actions referred to consist of the following and appear at  various times during the 3 stages of PK.

1. Vamana – purging
2.  Virechana – liver flush
3.  Vasti – enema
4.  Nasya – nasal treatment
5.  Rakthamokshana – bloodletting

I’m Day 5 of a 21 day PK.  Day 1 I felt completely overwhelmed.  This might have had something to do with moving out of my villa and packing all of my worldly possessions (again) into bags…knowing that as of the 21st June I’m not sure where my path is going to take me..and said bags (again).  It’s not so much stress as its the emotion that comes with goodbyes, closing one door to open another that seems to put me into a temporary tailspin.  But that lasted one day and I woke up on Day 2 feeling completely settled in.

So what happens when Panchakarmering?

Each day begins with medicated ghee (Snehapana).  Ghee is derived from clarified butter – the protein is removed.  The purpose of the ghee is to bind to the toxins (ama) in the body.  The body is literally saturated with ghee. Tomorrow I have my last serving of 10 tablespoons with some nasty looking herbs swimming in the bottom.  Taking it is not so bad, and my body was craving the fat the first few days…now..not so much.


7am is yoga time for an hour.

Then Kitcheree is served for breakfast and lunch.  I really love kitcheree.  Its such a great comfort food.  Rice, mung dhal, veges and spices are combined into a soupy mix that my body craves it because I’ve literally felt like I’ve been starving!..which is unusual.  Because when I fast I rarely feel like I’m starving…ironically…


In the afternoon, EVERY day I have 2 hours of treatments including Abhyanga (medicated oil massage), Shirodhara (medicated oil dripped onto the forehead), Nasya (oil decoction into nostrils),  Pasta (paste of onion, garlic, ginger, pepper applied to the body) and Bashpasweda (steam treatment).

3 times a week a 45 minute meditation is offered which I generally decline preferring the mozzie-less, air conditioned comfort of my awesome room and a guided meditation of my choosing.

Purva karma finishes for me shortly and I move into the primary treatment next week.

Why are you doing another detox?

My latest bloods show Candida, low white blood cell count (low immune system) and low thyroid.  Hormone, electrolyte panels and a few other bits haven’t come back yet.  But my system is so ready for a reset.  I tend to do monthly liver flushes but the last structured fast was back in December.  None of the above are surprising after having parasites.  Panchakarma is literally a program of rejuvenation so it makes sense.

Alternative medicine takes more time and a more effort than traditional medicine to get results, but I’m willing to do this rather than to fall prey to a Western medical system, that frankly I feel doesn’t serve me or anyone.  I just can’t support the miseducation given to thousands that are simply listening to an authority figure for want of better information and choices.

I have a strong belief in mind medicine.  Its really crazy how stress, anxiety and depression can f#@k up your body.  I love the philosophy of Ayurveda because of this.  As well as having amusing names for conditions like Cantankerous bowel syndrome to keep me entertained, Ayurveda encompasses not only science but religion and philosophy.

In Ayurveda the whole of life’s journey is considered to be sacred.  Truth is Being, Pure existence, the source of all life.  Ayurveda is a science of Truth as it is expressed in life.

Isn’t that beautiful?


Top 20 tips for Ultimate Mind, Body & Soul health

The body appears to be largely self-motivated and independent, yet it actually responds only to the intentions of the mind. If the mind wants to use it for attack in any form, it becomes prey to sickness, age and decay.

-A course in miracles

“All dis-ease can be reversed by simply reversing mental patterns.”  This is a quote from Louise Hays book, Heal your body, which I used to cure (alongside many other holistic therapies) my liver condition.  I also use it to help counsel other people to find the stored emotion behind their ongoing health issues.   It works!  I have people who can provide testimony to this!

Heritage: In all cases, be mindful of your heritage in terms of what works for you.  For example a mixture of Western and Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) Qi gong and Chinese medicine works really well for me because I’m half Chinese, half European…though 100% Kiwi! !

Origin  Also be mindful of the country you live in or that you grew up in.   For example I grew up in small town New Zealand with clean air, water and access to mountains and nature.  It was quiet, not busy.  So naturally it makes sense that I’m drawn to live in a small community where everybody knows your name.   Your body will take time to adapt to new foods and might not adapt at which case you should consider moving to the place you feel at home.

As always, use your intuition on what you need.   If you need help ‘seeing yourself’, then simply ask a friend or family member!  We see each other better than we see ourselves!  But make sure to ask someone whose opinion you respect,  They don’t need to be knowledgeable on the subject. But they should know you well.  If that fails..ring in the experts and pay for good advice!

Here are my top 20 tips for Ultimate Mind, Body & Soul health:

1.  Earth.  Ground yourself.  Commune with nature.  Everyday…for as long as you can.  Hiking up a mountain is my favourite.  However I get tremendous healing energy from connecting with trees.  Simply sit or stand with your back and head against a tree.  If you can, place your hands on the roots of the tree or the trunk also.  Breathe in its goodness (oxygen).  Breathe out your toxins (carbon dioxide).  I feel this in my body wherever it needs it most.  Supplement: Earthing sheet

2.  Fire.  Follow the sun.  Get 15 minutes of sunshine on your forearms daily.  To reset your circadian rhythm, eyeball the sunrise and sunset.
Supplement:  Vitamin D3
Treatment: Ultra Violet light

3.  Wind.  Breathe.  Breathe from your diaphragm.  Breathe in fully expanding your diaphragm outwards.  Keep sucking in oxygen until you can’t.  Then breathe out.  Breathe out fully, blowing out until theres no air left in your lungs.  Most people don’t breathe out long enough.  Download an app that can help you if this is challenging.  I find Kundalini yoga is amazing.
Supplement: Oxy powder
Treatment: Ozone treatment.

4.  Rain.  Water.  Hydrate yourself.  The rule is..”Drink until your pee is pale”Add the juice of 1/2 lemon or 1 T of Apple Cider Vinegar to 600ml of water.  If you drink loads of water and pee a lot but your thirst isn’t quenched,  drink alkalized water OR add a pinch of himalayan salts to your water OR take a mouthful of seawater!
Supplement: hydrating salts (no sugar, from pharmacy)
Treatment: Colonic Irrigation.  Swimming in fresh or salt water.

5.  Movement.  Whatever floats your boat.  For me, I operate best on: Light cardio to get my  heartrate up first thing in the morning. Hiking, Yoga, Qi gong. Anything that gets me focussed on the task at hand..circulation!
Treatment:   Bodywork. Remedial or Sports massage.  Ortho-bionomy alignment.

6.  Eliminate effectively.  Poo! You should be doing No.2’s at least daily.  It should be a mid brown colour, shaped like a long smooth, continuous sausage.  The best way to poo is to squat like the Chinese do. If you don’t feel safe sitting on your toilet seat, use a stool to raise your feet up.  This puts all your bits in the right alignment for perfect elimination without stressing your body.
Supplement:  Digestive enzymes with every meal or Apple Cider Vinegar before/after meals.  Coffee enema.  Or any kind of enema that you body asks for.  As examples I’ve done garlic, chlorella, green juice.
Treatment: Colonic Irrigation.  Lymphatic drainage massage.

7.  Mind: Be mindful of your thoughts.  Affirm.

8.  Soul: Have fun.  Lighten up.

9.  Soul: Be creative.  Dance, Sing, draw, writeListen to Soulful music – that’s the music that makes your heart sing!  However be mindful of the lyrics and any subliminal messaging that your mind might be taking too literally.

10.  Soul: Follow your intuition.  Follow the breadcrumbs.  Be on your path.

11. Build your Community, your tribe….a great support network of positive light filled people. Visit regularly for open, frank yet inspiring discussion….and FUN & LAUGHTER!!
Mind:  Journelling, blogging.  Eliminate all narcissists and people that no longer serve you from your life.  Limit time with low/bad energy people.

12.  Soul: Keep the faith.  Continue to have hope.  Trust the process.  Know that you’re exactly where you’re meant to be.

13.  Take ACTION!  Don’t give up until the end.  Be strong. Be resilient.

14.  Love yourself. Put yourself first.  Express gratitude to your body for getting you this far.
Mind: Be mindful of Self talk
Body: Affirmations.  Express gratitude.  Think/speak positively.

15.  Soul: Love everyone unconditionally. Resist blame. Resist unkindness. 

16.  Meditate. 
Mind/Body/Soul: Sound healing.  Vipassana.  Sensory Deprivation eg. Sitting in the forrest at night, listening only to the sounds of nature (without your iphone!!)

17.  Energy healing.
Soul/Body:  Reiki.  Babies and animals.  They’re pure and open with powerful energy.

18.  Expertise.  Surround yourself with the best experts.  People who are on your page…that you trust impicitly.
Mind:  ‘How to heal your body’ by Louise L Hay.  This book is my bible.  It aligns your physically manifested dis-ease with the emotion that created it.

19.  Soul: Know that you are Devine, created by a powerful Universal force, connected consciously with everything around you.  You are a perfect creation of God.

20.  Throw the rule books out. You are unique. Your family is unique.  Your situation is unique. You require a unique solution


The 7 stages of grief

The seven emotional stages of grief are usually understood to be shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or religious in nature.

One day, after 3 years of tough times, when Scott was at his lowest and I didn’t know what else to do, Luger came into our lives.  An 8 week old ball of fluff and cuteness.  A doberman puppy.  He was for Scott.  But I loved that puppy.  And I didn’t expect to love him.  He was the runt of the litter, and when I saw him fall asleep standing up, isolated from the other puppies, I just had to have him.

LUGER DEC 2008 012Kirsty and her boyslast day with the dogs 027

Luger was different.  He thought he was a person.  Because he was treated as a person.  He got away with everything.  He’d eat anything.  My underwear, socks, whole tubs of butter.  He’d take wallets into the paddock and run through the long grass, scattering cards and notes.

Sleeping on the ground was not for him.  He’d jump and scratch his way up any car door to get inside to a plush comfortable seat.  When he got the ok to hop onto our bed, he’d burrow his way under the blankets until he was right at the end, curled up happily between our feet.

He was so naughty, because we let him be naughty…because he was adorable and we were so in love with him.

When we settled in for a long winters night, with the fire going, Luger would jump on the couch, buried in cushions.  Puppyworld.  Its an amazing place to live.

Scott loved Luger, and Luger loved Scott.  They had a special bond.

We both cried when we had to leave both our puppies behind to go to Hong Kong.  It felt so wrong to leave our babies behind.


Luger died on the 30th November 2014.  A year to the day of Scott’s funeral.  I like to think that Scott called him home.  That’s the only thing that makes me ok with him dying.

I only found out he died a few days ago.  I tried to dismiss his death, but I can’t, because this has truly been the worst 14 months of my life.

I’m only human.   And Scott and Luger, they were my family.  I loved that puppy.  And I’m so sad that hes gone.


I see fire




Beneath your beautiful


One more night


We are done


Let it be


Every time you cry