Diary of a mad cat woman

Yesterday I read the blog of woman who came to Bali to be cured of Lyme disease.  Her story was a little disturbing as some of the components were scarily similar to mine.  She had done ozone therapy, regular enemas and had her fair share of experiences with ‘fake’ healers.  But the scary part was her experience after doing a hydrogen peroxide enema.  Her intestinal wall separated and she started to bleed out, had to be hospitalised and started on a course of seriously strong, candida forming antibiotics.  One step too far perhaps??

I’m pretty sure that a whole bunch of you  out there are reading squeemishly and in horror and wondering where in the world do these looneys (ie me) come up with these crazy ideas to heal???  My friend likened me to a crazy cat woman,  the one that has accumulated 55 cats and pushes a trolley round town.

There is a reason to my rhyme.

In February while I was in Australia I popped into see a doctor to have blood and gene tests for Haemachromatosis (HFE).  HFE is a genetic disease in which the body takes too much iron from food and can’t disperse it.  Iron build up in the body will eventually result in multi-organ failure and death.

My theory is the sudden, traumatic loss of my husband 18 months ago, sent my body into shock and overdrive.  The result was physical illness, all symptoms being that of HFE.  The good news for me and my family is that HFE is very common and easily treated with vennesection (blood letting).  At the moment I’m what the general populace would call symptom free with regards to HFE..however..I couldn’t deny that there were too many breadcrumbs that keep pointing me towards an issue with my blood…

Stress, depression and anxiety CANNOT be under estimated in their ability to produce toxicity in the body and I attribute my chronic liver issues to a combination of factors including HFE, grief (& the emotions arising from it) and a lack of the essentials for a healthy body.  That is, Earth (grounding, nature), Air (oxygenation), Water (hydration) and Fire (sunlight).  I basically got sicker the longer I hung out in my dungeon feeling sorry for myself.   However:

Every journey has a hell through which we must walk.  The trick is to not stop, to keep moving forward.

Eventually I saw the light on the 20th August when I decided to take responsibility for my health and my life.

It seems the last 18 months has been a never ending list of sickness.  Sometimes I feel like a hypochronchriac.  As I said to my acupuncturist yesterday, I just need information.  Why?  Sometimes I need reassurance that I’m not crazy. The bubble of Ubud makes me feel a little out of touch with reality at times.

I went off on a tangent there because I forgot to add that while I was at the doctor in Australia I mentioned that my digestive system was not working as it should.  My symptoms were constipation, bloating, fullness in my lower abdomen.  Something was not right.  Now the lower abdomen fullness was very slight but my nagging voice told me that it required further investigation.  I was sent for a scan and the result was a fibroid and a polyp.  The fibroid was 3.5cm in diameter, the size of a golf ball and it had a weird looking stalk.  The scan was inconclusive and the doctor referred me to an OBGYN for further investigation.  That was 6 weeks ago.

Well, a few days ago I had a scan at the local hospital and the fibroid and polyp were gone.  The doctor was puzzled.  He wanted to know what I’d been doing in 6 weeks?  Now I should note here that all ONGYN’s and ONGYN equipment in Bali are NOT equal.  So I’m going back for a scan using state of the art 4D equipment plus a pap scan next month.  But my intuition tells me that they’re gone.

That brings us to the present.  Yesterday I went to see Dr Peggy Marienfield.  She’s a local legend here.  She’s been practising as a holistic GP and naturopath for some 20 odd years.  She specializes in live blood analysis and I was keen to get some firm information on the state of my blood.

Dr Peggy takes a simple bloodprick test, puts it on a slide, and waalah!, 30 seconds later she’s telling you the state of your health.   Magic!!

The result – Parasites!  My first thought ‘thank god, now I know what I’m dealing with’.  My second thought, ‘Fuck, when is all this going to end’

I mean seriously, WTF??..am I destined to get every illness under the sun?  I need to tangent here and run you through my thought process.

First of all, all Dis-ease comes from the mind.  Being in Bali, however, parasites kind of come with the territory.  But spiritually, there is a deeper reason for all of this.   I’m certainly being lead inexocorably  towards something.  I call my experience  the school of life.  I’ve been a full time student but I’ve been getting C’s recently.  Now I  feel like I’ve lifted my game to a solid B student.  I’ve promised myself an A+ once I get the ok from Dr Peggy that my blood has recovered.  As soon as I get my A+, my life purpose and destiny get  revealed to me.  I think I know what that is now, but I’ve very quickly learned not to assume conclusions or outcomes for the future.  The Universe has a way of proving me wrong that usually involves a painful lesson.  So I don’t do that anymore.

Blood (its very important)
Let me quickly explain the state of my blood.  Normal, healthy blood cells are perfectly round and separated.  Mine were a crazy chaotic mess, like perfect spheres of paint on  a window that a child had gotten their fingers onto and smeared into crazy patterns.  My blood cells, she said, were operating at 65% (hence the reason I need a nana nap in the afternoon and a strict 10pm bedtime!).

She couldn’t see any other underlying issue (she suspects estrogen dominance) until the parasites were cleared.

So..in summary, I’m on a 17 day parasite cleanse, followed with my monthly liver and gallbladder cleanse and a continuation of regular coffee enemas and organic whole food diet.  Dairy free, gluten free, lots of vegetables, enzymes, probiotics, zinc, Vitamin C,  Vitamin A, raw garlic, jamu,  amongst many other bits and bobs.

I’m also doing a saliva test to check hormone levels.

Ok, I’m signing out for now, coffee enema done.  Tick.

Now off for 2 hours of my favourite class of Kundalini yoga.

Much love (&BDE)
From the Ponicorn x


Lovina Love



I found this blog in my drafts.  I wrote it while I was in Lovina, Bali in October last year.  I was in such a good space, having just done my third retreat in 3 months.  The beach or any place in nature is a place where I can truly access heartspace.  The quote is something I wrote at a retreat in Taupo.  It still resonates with me.

October 2014 ……So anyway I can confirm that the best way to write a blog is after 2 hours of deep tissue massage and reflexology,  while getting a pedicure (but before deep cleansing clay mask)…Getting up at 2am to climb a volcano to see a spectacular surprise is also acceptable inspiration.

This is my third full day in Lovina and I feel like I’ve been here forever.  I’ve taken to a dreamy schedule of walks on the beach, yoga, meditation, swimming and blogging.  Every evening I meet Putu my fruit lady and Evi on the beach at 5.30pm. Putu peels mangos and opens the young coconut that she scoured the market looking for for me that afternoon.  We watch the sunset with the gathering crowd of locals and tourists, and talk about how much fruit Putu sold that day. Our feet in the sand, the last vestiges of the sun drifting away and children playing in the water.

Mostly everyone here is called Putu, Made, or Wayan.  This makes things very challenging in my contacts list:

Made the photographer

Made the driver

Putu the fruit lady

Putu the manager of the villas

However, you can be sure there’s a 1 in 3 chance of getting their name correct!

Made the Photographer  You know the story of Made the photographer who invited me to the Balinese wedding?  I visited his shop.   He invited me in.  He’d bought a bag full of mangos for me, which he expertly cut up for us to share lunch.  I expressed my disappointment to Made that while all the coconut trees were chocka with nuts, noone was selling young coconuts anywhere…so off we went on a little adventure to a little village to find me my coconut…such is the way things are done in Lovina.

Evi the midwife  I first met Evi when I was haggling with Putu for my mangosteens.  The second night she bought me some amazing Balinese snacks to try.  Then we went for a little adventure on her scooter to a Warung (local outside eatery)  for dinner with locals.  $2.50 for 2 of us – including iced tea – ka-ching!  As we were saying goodbye she exclaimed that she loved me like her sister.  Also she wondered if I’d like to marry her brother – he’s a good man after all!!????????

Made the driver  After the hike, we dropped some friends to Amed and it was just myself and Made the driver, who was dropping me back to Lovina.  The conversation went something like this:

M-There was no talking at 2am when I pick you up

K – No, we were very sleepy

M– Because they were in the back

K – (puzzled..wheres this going??)

M – You are not tourist

K – what do you mean?

M – You are too skinny and brown. Tourists are fat and white. This hard to say, but think you are very beautiful.  You are normal. I am normal. I not have girlfriend.  I think I love you.  We can get married. Tomorrow you meet parents. You teach yoga from my house.

K – (stop the bus.  Whaaat???!!!)  Ahhhhh  ummm…….beautiful weather today…how about that view??

Sending you some Lovina magic!

Ponicorn x

Love never felt so good

Yesterday, everything changed.

My mentor and dear friend Jehanne gave me a piece of advice that has become a daily guidance…a way of being:

Let life unfold

Since I’ve been in Bali I’ve been running myself ragged.  I’ve been running from workshops to healing sessions, to school, then out late every night with friends.  All of my sessions have added a piece to the puzzle.  However if I were to feel into what has bought me closer to my quest,  there are 2 sessions that have literally changed my life.  One of them was an ozone treatment with my talented friend Barni.  The other my session yesterday with Tino.

I could never discount my other sessions by simply comparing them to these 2. But perhaps I can give you an insight into the significance of the feeling attached. This is what I said to my friend after she asked how my session was:

“I’ve just had one of those experiences that change and shape the fabric of your life”

………Scotty came to my session with Tino yesterday.  He came to bathe me in love and light.   It was a heart breaking, beautiful session.  He’s always watching over me.  He says he doesn’t visit because he doesn’t want to make me sadder than I am….

Tino is many things…a psychic, healer, shamen and bodyworker.  He saves people.

Tino’s session was physically and emotionally painful.  But it felt so right.
His expertise lies in releasing emotions trapped in the body, emotions that have manifested themselves in physical illness.  He unlocks the energy.   He disperses it by…belching..yeap..he burps it out..just like John Coffey in the movie Green Mile..you know the movie with Tom Hanks??  It’s so surreal. .

He did a lot of work with me around getting me out of my head and into my heart…also unlocking my throat chakra.   He was asking me to let it go.  I knew I had to let it go.   I could feel it in my body,  but I didn’t know how.  Because I was thinking.   Not feeling.  It’s my natural, comfortable state of being to revert back to ego rather than face being vulnerable.

Everything has changed for the better.

My sentient abilities have a little offshoot that you might have read about yesterday. .I’m also an empath.   Basically I feel others emotions.   I’ve experienced this ability to its full extent, twice now.  Both emergency situations.  Both scared the shit out of me and made me feel crazy, volatile.

However, recently I’ve begun to ‘settle into’ these abilities and much more beautiful experiences have occurred.  Recently,  whenever I think about a friend and her newly acquainted love interest, I feel her love for him and love songs pop into my head that I’m compelled to pass on.

This is of course a reflection of my hearts desire.  I want everyone to have what Scotty and I had.   I want them to experience what we felt.

This post is a pivotal post for me.  Many of you don’t understand my quest..what drives me to exhaustion.  Chris helped me to understand this concept properly:

Mastery of Mind, Body and Spirit

One of the questions I ask all of my mentors regularly is, ‘ What do I need to do right now to develop myself today?  Tino asked me to simply feel my way..heart over head…

With that in mind I’m going to step out of my brain and into my heart and share with you the first song that Scotty ever gave to me.

In my quest for mastery I went searching far and wide.  Yes I’ve found answers.  Yes I’ve found tools.  That information is serving to help me unlock the secrets I’ve been carrying with me all along.

I’ll tell you another little secret. .

What you have right now in this moment is perfect, beautiful, and can become everything that you want it to be. It simply takes some effort, some communication, and a whole lotta’ love!

I invite you to take a day where you simply go where your heart leads you.  Strengthen your intuition.  Follow the breadcrumbs.

Let life unfold.

A song for you:  Maybe this song will describe the ‘place’ I go to sometimes.  It used to be all the time.  Now its just sometimes.   But whenever Inna & I go to Shisha and listen to our fav singer Justine…this is always a mandatory ‘dance or you’re fired’ song.

A video for you:   I like to think of it as Love in Motion.  It is simply beautiful, and stands as a testament to what everyone can create when they are full of passion about what they love doing, and who they love doing it with 🙂

How to know if you’re in a Spiritual partnership

How to protect yourself as an empath