There are times over the last 3 years when I’ve neglected to admit that my inner turmoil was as a result of my grief process. It would be true to say that grief was not the reason for it, but it most certainly was the catalyst. Grief shone a light on all those areas of me and my life that I did not like. Without mercy, it kept taking me through repeat iterations of the same story until I had the capacity to really listen…..Actually capacity is not even an accurate description. It was the desperation to change feelings of discomfort, sadness, frustration that motivated me to continue seeking. Most of the time I didn’t know what I was seeking…mainly I just felt lost with a distinct lack of control over….everything.
I’m an Aries so I don’t tend to spend much time on stuff. Its challenging to kept myself interested in a project for any length of time. So over the past 3 years I’ve fleetingly engaged in tasks pursuing wellbeing and happiness, then disengaged, then reengaged half heartedly..then… promptly forgotten everything and returned to my usual state of being. Such was my rollercoaster.
This weekend I’m on a cycling adventure with 20 yogi’s along the Clutha river.
And this morning I’m sitting in a massage chair in a fabulous little townhouse in the little south island town of Lawrence. And suddenly between massage settings, a thought hit my grey matter.
I feel at peace. And I feel satisfied. And I’m feeling the love. And I’ve been feeling at peace and in love space 24/7 for a whole month.
Its taken me 3 years and 5 months to get to this place – a process which I thought I’d have aced in 2 years max (said the competitive Aries in me).
But you can’t rush the process of grief. It unravels as required. There’s no doubt that I’ve exacerbated the pain by refusing to learn a few key lessons sooner. But as any ‘conscious’ person would understand the concept of – this is as it is and was always meant to be.
On my 12 minute Main St tour of Lawrence I popped into the info centre and picked up a book called The road less travelled. For $1 it seemed like a good deal. The tagline: ‘A new psychology of love, traditional values and spiritual growth’.
Well it turns out it was the 2nd in the series so I downloaded the first onto my kindle (with free Lawrence WIFI – yes all 470 residents plus everyone who passes through gets free WIFI – score! & what a fab idea😊).
Of course the wisdom that Scott Peck has to tell me through this book is just what I needed to hear right now and certainly inspired this blog.
The first paragraph:
LIFE IS DIFFICULT. This is a great truth, one of the greatest truths. 1 It is a great truth because once we truly see this truth, we transcend it. Once we truly know that life is difficult – once we truly understand and accept it – then life is no longer difficult. Because once it is accepted, the fact that life is difficult no longer matters.
What makes life difficult is that the process of confronting and solving problems is a painful one.
Thank you Scott for writing such an easy to read, down to earth and frank guide to the psyche of the human mind. Because that definition really resonates with me and I can’t think of a more perfect place to receive this wisdom than amongst a group of yogis and cyclists embracing the beauty of nature, life and people.
Because now I get it. Instead of being in the washing machine, I’ve transitioned. I’ve taking the guidance and actioned it. And now I’m no longer suffering separation of Mind, body, Soul. They’re in complete alignment.
I was on the road less travelled. I still am. And I’m all the better for it.
It was once said: