I am an expert at procrastination. And I can make up an excuse for just about anything.
Except, its not very well received in Ubud. Everyone here is just too damn intuitive. I get called out on everything. On my last retreat I was accused of judging a guy I’d never even met before! I was incredulous, but do you know what? He was right. It doesn’t matter that I hadn’t said anything to him, he’d picked up on this energy and took me to task over it in front of the ENTIRE group. Sounds crazy right? But I learned my lesson. Thoughts, words and actions…its not enough for me just to say the right things. Energetically, everything has to align in order for me to evolve, in order for me to be in full integrity.
While I’ve been merrily prattling on about all the clever things I’ve learned recently, I’ve kind of neglected my true story. The one where I’m meant to be making progress in embodying myself authentically…or in contemporary language – I need to get my arse back on the horse and get on with my life. Because while my life was turned upside down, inside out and back to front, it stopped shaking recently and now…nothing. No movement. Stagnation.
Being upside down
What do you do when stagnation occurs? Move. When things stop moving in the body, death is not far away.
That was pretty dark. But I like to think of health and wellness as:
…Everytime you neglect your health, you’re just telling yourself you want to die quicker.
Oops…even darker…oh well…change the subject…
Downward dog is powerful. Being upside down does something to my brain. It feels like it empties out the shit that gathered there overnight and allows some space to be created. All of a sudden, I feel creative and alive again. But today my body needed more exercise… in a concentrated kick ass, dynamic way..
…So here I am at the Ubud Centre. I think I want to move into the gym. I mean, its air conditioned, it has a great shower, a juice bar, a hang out space and all the equipment to get me moving. They give me fresh clean towels and I like the type of people that I meet here. They’re literally the movers and shakers of Ubud. Type A personalities, Doers.
Theres a certain mindset required for getting your ass to the gym, or any kind of exercise…and I want to soak their motivation juices into my cells.
It might seem a little crazy that I’m so excited over this gym outing. I’m going to let you into a little secret on why its really, really significant for me.
This is another important step for getting life back on track. I used to go to the gym with Scott. And I just stopped. I forgot that I loved it. I forgot how it made me feel. But this morning, devine forces intervened. My yoga class was full and nek minut..here I am..I didn’t want yoga. I wanted to run – I needed a hit of the good stuff.
30 minutes of graduated hill climbs, and sprinting was all it took. It was torture. But it was totally worth all those feel good chemicals …I’m literally getting high on seratonin…
Why did I need a serotonin hit? Well, who wouldn’t? But today, particularly, I’m feeling frustrated and pissed off. At myself and the world.
I think I’m pretty random. And I’m definitely hard to keep track of. I’m forever changing my mind so I’m almost impossible to pin down. I kind of like being unpredictable.
And I’m pretty unapologetic for all of that. I mean…my life WAS turned upside down. And thats how I’ve been living it…the puzzle pieces are swimming around in space, and I’m pulling them in like planets to the sun, hoping that they’ll start orbiting in some kind of pattern.
Ubud pisses me off in a lot of ways, because sometimes I’m just really tired of looking after myself. The whole ethos of the spiritual journey is to take responsibility for yourself.
- Take responsibility for the 10th person this week thats angry/frustrated/disappointed with you.
- Take responsibility for every bad thing that happened to you because you called it in.
- Take responsibility for the less than ideal person that you’ve turned out to be.
I can whinge all I like. I can blame who I like. I can get angry. I can get frustrated.
But its still my own fault. And I’ve still chosen to suffer a little longer.
See The Rant above…THATS why its MOST important to get to the gym – I like to pretend I’m stomping on all those sincere, well wishing, perfect people out there who I really just want to punch in the face and tell them to F*ck off.
I dare YOU to MOVE. Turn your life upside down. Invert. Shake it all about. Who knows what’ll fall out…