Seeing fire through the fear

What is the meaning of life?

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This is the meaning of life. To observe beautiful things.

This question is one that I’ve pondered constantly over the last 18 months.

I have all of these answers now.  I’ve always had them, I just chose to forget them.

Giving myself permission to feel sadness and get vulnerable in order to unwrap them has been daunting.

Meaning is subjective. There is not one meaning.  I give meaning to my life by living it.  Fullstop.  Living it according to my own rules.  Unashamedly.

What is my purpose?

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I like this purpose..eating..drinking..being merry..

There isn’t one purpose.  Theres many.  Purpose isn’t a task or an action.  It’s an attitude.  I belong here.  I’m fully occupying my space on earth with presence and assurance that I’m worthy.  That every moment I breathe  I’m radiating higher energy into the cosmos.

Where is my map?

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Here is my map.  Its written in nature.

Yesterday I felt alive.  I felt invincible.  Because I had made a decision.  And then I attached an action to that decision.  Then I made another decision and I attached a second action.

This is my map.

Who are my people?

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Here are my people.  They are the ones that cross my path on my greatest adventures.

I am everyone and noone.
I am everyone.  I need noone.  I want someone sometimes.  I’m sovereign.  I’m self serving.  I’m independent, strong and confident.  I’m codependent.  And sometimes I’m a bitch.  I’m all of that.

Where is my fire?

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Ahhh there it is..fire
Move or it will consume you
Quench it or it will burn you
Embrace it or it will extinguish you
Let it burn and feel heat, see the light

My ‘story’ is one of grief.  But not grief as you would presume it to be.  Not over the gaping hole that my dead husband left.  The hole that I created when I left my body.

I’m not angry with some higher power for taking away my person.  I’m angry at myself for giving up on myself.

I cannot in all faith, love and respect myself until I stand up and live my life with 100% authenticity.

I cannot love and respect myself until I can unashamedly be who I am.

Go hard or go home.  Complacency is not my thing.  The complacency of this reality is simply not acceptable.

There it is, the fire.  It was always there.  It just needed air, earth, water, space and suddenly it ignited.

If I had 3 months left to live, what would I do?  Would I forget about the mortgage and really LIVE?  What is my definition of living?

None of us know when that day will come.  So the question I have is, why aren’t I living like that today?

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