The 7 stages of grief

The seven emotional stages of grief are usually understood to be shock or disbelief, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and acceptance/hope. Symptoms of grief can be emotional, physical, social, or religious in nature.

One day, after 3 years of tough times, when Scott was at his lowest and I didn’t know what else to do, Luger came into our lives.  An 8 week old ball of fluff and cuteness.  A doberman puppy.  He was for Scott.  But I loved that puppy.  And I didn’t expect to love him.  He was the runt of the litter, and when I saw him fall asleep standing up, isolated from the other puppies, I just had to have him.

LUGER DEC 2008 012Kirsty and her boyslast day with the dogs 027

Luger was different.  He thought he was a person.  Because he was treated as a person.  He got away with everything.  He’d eat anything.  My underwear, socks, whole tubs of butter.  He’d take wallets into the paddock and run through the long grass, scattering cards and notes.

Sleeping on the ground was not for him.  He’d jump and scratch his way up any car door to get inside to a plush comfortable seat.  When he got the ok to hop onto our bed, he’d burrow his way under the blankets until he was right at the end, curled up happily between our feet.

He was so naughty, because we let him be naughty…because he was adorable and we were so in love with him.

When we settled in for a long winters night, with the fire going, Luger would jump on the couch, buried in cushions.  Puppyworld.  Its an amazing place to live.

Scott loved Luger, and Luger loved Scott.  They had a special bond.

We both cried when we had to leave both our puppies behind to go to Hong Kong.  It felt so wrong to leave our babies behind.


Luger died on the 30th November 2014.  A year to the day of Scott’s funeral.  I like to think that Scott called him home.  That’s the only thing that makes me ok with him dying.

I only found out he died a few days ago.  I tried to dismiss his death, but I can’t, because this has truly been the worst 14 months of my life.

I’m only human.   And Scott and Luger, they were my family.  I loved that puppy.  And I’m so sad that hes gone.


I see fire




Beneath your beautiful


One more night


We are done


Let it be


Every time you cry


Who am I again? Part II

Mecury Retrograde

it sounds like something that Marty and Doc would be doing to the DeLorean before heading back to the future.  It won’t mean much to the general public.  But it does to me, and to people like me.

A Mercury Retrograde is effectively when the planet Mars appears to slow down, stop, change direction, then move forward in its orbit again. This phenomenon is called a Mercury Retrograde and it wreaks havoc on us poor inhabitants of Earth.  There are 3 MR’s a year, and we are in the middle of one right now.  It’s an 8 week cycle which should complete on the 3rd March, with most of the crazy life changing stuff ending earlier on the 11th February.

During this time there are 3 things that shouldn’t be done:

1.  Travel

2.  Be near electricity

3.  Get married

I’ve already broken 2 of those rules…and no, I haven’t remarried!  I’m posting a URL to a MR article so you can read more about this in your own time.

Are you confused?  And are you asking yourself the question, what on earth is she talking about?  Well, I’m talking about it because its affecting me.  It’s current for me.  Because my intuition and guidance have been affected by it, its been a little…impaired.   So while I can usually deal with flights and crowds by using the techniques I’ve learned, with this Mercury Retrograde in action, I’ve found it about 10 times harder to ground, to heal and to connect with people.  And this is part of the reason why I’m returning to Bali very soon!  The high vibration of Ubud is what I need during this period.

Being Empathic and a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person)

I’ve mentioned my psychic and empathetic abilities in previous blogs.  Perhaps what I haven’t clarified is that I’m still on a journey to fulfilling these gifts to their potential.  Everyday it feels like I’m being reborn, learning more about spirit, and how to integrate that with my journey to self.

Clairsentience is my strongest sense.  Clairsentience is the ability to feel.  This is a necessary gift for an Empath.  That is, I feel more than most.  I’m sensitive to everyone.  As soon as someone tells me their story, I get them.  As soon as I’ve connected with them personally, I see who they are, what their strengths and weaknesses are, where their health issues are.  I feel everything.  This is a curse at times.  But overall an amazing gift that I’m so thankful for if it helps me to help my community.

But my other senses have started to join the party.  I’m currently working on Clairaudience.  I’m very sensitive to noise.  I’m sensitive to lyrics in music, and to voice guided meditations.  So now I listen to nature and soulful soundtracks.

I’m starting to see future visions (Clairvoyance) when I meditate.

My claircognizance (knowing) is always there in the background. Quite often I know stuff without knowing why I know stuff.  This is frustrating sometimes because I’ll say something then I can’t substantiate it.  I have to trust that I know then research to substantiate.

Who am I again?  Part II

The title of my blog on the 14 January I asked the question, ‘Who am I again?‘  It was a guide to finding your true love.  In fact, the question of who I am is a question I face daily.  And yes its all in the name of finding my true love.  But that true love is not another person, its a love for myself.  Its a journey of self discovery to myself.  Let me expand on that.

Quite often when I’m chatting to someone and I’m explaining my blogs to them, I struggle with explaining what this blog is all about.  Generally I describe it as a blog of my spiritual journey over the last year.  But in fact, its a journey to self, a journey of self discovery.  It may appear strange to some to not know yourself.  Because actually, we all see each other very clearly.  Which brings me to my next point – why don’t we talk about this stuff more often?

The 3 C’s

Connection, Communication, Community

Conflict and how it relates to the 3 C’s

We are one.

So how can there be war, politics and religion?  If we are one, then surely we are one mind and therefore all connected to source.  The answer to this is very simple.  We are not all conscious…yet….

The 3 C’s to me are the answer to creating mass consciousness, and ultimately what many people call, enlightenment or Nirvana or Kundalini.  Whatever you may call it, its the same thing.


Do you know we’re all connected?  When I ask people to connect, whether it be to their Higher Self, to other people or to nature, what I’m asking them to do is to REconnect.  What I mean by this is, we are already connected, but we’ve forgotten how to access it.


It seems communication in the true sense of the word has been forgotten.  Every time you send a message on Facebook, a text on Whatsapp or email, rather than picking up the phone or seeing someone in person, you are relegating ‘real’ communication into a past concept….something that used to be done.  The art of conversation is one quickly being lost in this age of digital media.  Let me ask you 3 questions:

1.  When was the last time you sat down with someone and chatted on a meaningful topic, far from the distractions of everyday life?

2.  When was the last time you fixed a broken relationship?

3.  When was the last time you felt you ‘truly connected‘ with someone and took your relationship to a new level?


My number one desire is Community.  Now the problem is that I have Community, but its all over the place.  Lots of little Community’s.  My banker brain, wanted to integrate all of these Community’s…for convenience.  But I’ve come to realise that I thrive on the constant stimulation that each one of my groups provide.  But the most important Community to me, is the audience to this blog.  Because when I sit down to write for you, I’m at that place of ultimate happiness.  I can access heartspace.  I’m the BVOM (Best Version of Me).

Can I be cheeky and ask you a favour?

If this blog resonates for you.  If you feel guided to.  Then can I ask you to ‘follow’ my blog, so you get regular updates directly to your email address.

Please share it with your friends and family.  Ultimately, if it resonates with you, discussing it is the ultimate sharing.  Remember – Sharing is Caring!!

And in the true spirit of the 3C’s, please, if you’d like to discuss this more, please comment on the blogs, or send me a private message.  There are 2 ways to connect with me:

1.  Join my Facebook page

2.  Join my closed group, Ponicorn Peeps

My favourite tunes today:

This was inspired by my sister, a true definition of a Leo – generous, big hearted, bright, warm and shiny!  She loves Meghan Trainor because everytime she hears it she wants to have fun.  She wants to dance.  Her and her 2 year old son like to get down and boogie to this tune.  Really listen to the words in this song.  “I know you lie, your lips are moving”. What does that mean to you?  For me, so many people talk, but they don’t believe what they’re saying.  They don’t take action on what they want and who they are.  It’s the old adage, actions speak louder than words!

Reference articles:

Closed Community Group Facebook page

I’ve created a new closed group with which to share my Ponicorn blogs.  This group is a community page for you to share your own insights and journey and make magical connections..share the love…You are free to invite people to the page once you’re a member.

If you’re so called, I invite you to join it at :

The name of the group is Ponicorn Peeps.

Or, if you’re time and technology challenged, then please comment on this blog or contact me to invite you to the page.

Who am I again? I forgot – A guide to finding your true love

The journey to love is a tricky one.

Most of us are searching for our soul mate – that one true love that can fulfil that part of us that yearns to be held, to be loved unconditionally.  So we’re never alone.

Sometimes that journey can become desperate.  We grasp at straws, because we’re impatient to make it happen. In the course of grasping, we become dislocated from ourselves…..we forget our truth.  We forget the essence of being.  We forget to live.

What happened to that child that ran barefoot on the grass and swam for hours until her fingers and toes were wrinkly.  When and where were we taught that there was no place for fun and silliness and dancing?  Who taught us that we had to grow up and face responsibilities?

I didn’t know much about love when I met my late husband.  I wasn’t taught how to do the love thing when I grew up.  I was taught to function, to survive.  I’m forever grateful to the powers that be for bringing Scotty to me.  How lucky was I, in my lifetime, to have met someone who could teach me how to give and receive love so unconditionally, so beautifully?   Not everyone is this lucky.

But then he was taken from me, suddenly, traumatically.  The darkest day of my life.

It wasn’t until much later in my journey, I realised I’d made a series of critical mistakes….All of these added up to one awful truth…

…..I’d relied on him to give me unconditional love.  Instead of generating my own, I’d survived on what he gave me.

My world had been shattered because he was gone. No love.  No light.   I felt alone.  I couldn’t see a future.

Little did I know that I was on two very separate journeys.  I had not just lost him.  I had lost myself.   I grieved him until the 20th August 2014.  I grieved for 9 months.  On the 20th August, that stopped.  It stopped when I decided to take my life back into my own hands.  When I decided to love myself.  To respect myself.  To heal myself.

And I thought that I was ok…….But I wasn’t…..I wasn’t ok…..

Instead, the bigger journey began.  The journey of rebuilding myself.  Grieving for lost years.  Grieving for lost opportunities.  Grieving for something that I’ve understood all this time, but didn’t want to accept – that I was a shadow of that lost child……..I didn’t love myself.  I didn’t know myself.  I had killed myself off…a long time before he passed away.  And now I had to deal with the fact that I didn’t have anything.  I was some shell of a person that i didn’t recognise …or like.

The truth will set you free

And now I’m at the pinnacle of my journey of self realisation.  I know myself.  I acknowledge myself.  And I’m ok with it.  I forgive my past.  My life starts today.  i know that empowerment can only be generated from knowing yourself…the good, the bad..the ugly.  Facing the truth and being ok with it.

I can only say thank you to my audience – to my loyal followers for being my sounding board on this journey..for being the community that has inspired me to continue on through rough times, to find the truth.

A big thank you to my special healing crew – Michael and Ma for being my lighthouse in stormy seas.

And now I’m ready to share with you, all of my secrets, to create safe haven for you to journey there too.  I invite you to join my community…on the path to self love and ultimately…more happiness than you can imagine.

You’ll have to be brave.  There will be tears.  There will be anguish.  Sometimes you’ll lose hope.

But I’m here for you, to light the way.  My gift to you today, is to tell you a little secret.  Your twin flame, that ultimate soul mate, is waiting for you.  When you’ve conquered your darkest fears.  When you’ve unlocked your heart.  They will appear.  I promise.  But if you thought that finding this mystical other half of yourself was the pinnacle… would be so wrong.  Because the one true love, that you can’t do without, is YOU!

Fall in love with yourself and you’ll never be alone.

Namaste – We are all one.

Much love from the Ponicorn xxx

Be inspired by this very special song, that was gifted to me…that I’m now gifting to all of you.  I send this song out with an intention that everyone in the world that is searching for themselves, their true love, feels acknowledged by me today, that they receive my unconditional love and acceptance, that they’re inspired by Daylight to take the next step in their journey.

Ponicorn Top 10 tips for Spirit & Ultimate FREEDOM

Today, in this moment, as I lie like a Queen, swathed in blankets, surrounded by cushions, high up on a hill, overlooking the Kingdom of Wanganui, as the sun rises….. its brilliance emerging from the clouds……altar burning bright….


……..the anticipation of the sun’s warm rays, the clarity of mind, all culminate in powerful desires…powerful inspiration….


My body has reached a moment of perfect homeostasis, of peace..a perfect moment that can only be achieved through months of preparation….for some people. .years…

In this moment. ….I am peace…I am inspiration…I am Devine presence.

And because I’ve given a gift to myself of the perfect sunrise, I’ve been rewarded with the inspiration and clarity of mind to share with you my Top 10 tips for Consciousness in 2015 – Ultimate tips for Spirit and Ultimate freedom.   You don’t have to be spiritually inclined to receive benefits from following this guideline. .you just have to be searching for something. ..maybe you don’t know what that something is…but you probably feel like something is missing from you right now..what part of you that’re not sure of…actually I’m telling you that its your Soul, your Higher Self..that Wisdom that is your Intuition, that Voice that is your Guidance,  that Feeling that is Love, Forgiveness. …

Ultimately…..the exquisite culmination of Mastery in Consciousness is FREEDOM!!!!!! (Ponicorn promise!)

.. this feels right. ..this feels good. .you can’t deny it..despite not understanding why…..

My plea to you is…follow the breadcrumbs. …don’t fight the desire to take action.  Start by getting comfortable with that nagging seed of inspiration, that exciting pearl that ignites your passion and makes you silly and lightheaded with the thought of pursuing it….

1.  Write it down. ..journel…get clear on your intention
2.  Once clear. ..Affirm it..everyday
3.  When matter how small..present themselves. .grab them with both hands and don’t let go!
4. Follow the top 10 list below with faith,  integrity and purpose

…what’s there to lose…except Yourself..

The following list will be the basis for my next 10 blogs in a spiritual context. ..because there’s just so much to say to expand right here.  If you have any desperate questions that need answering RIGHT NOW…then flick me a comment or a personal message through Lotus in lucuna.

The purpose of this blog is to set you up with a Spirit/Freedom guide to action that will set you up and support you through 2015 to become Conscious. become the BVOM (Best Version of Me).

Top 10

There is no particular order..though meditation ALWAYS comes first and is the SINGLE most empowering practice you can invest in.

1.  Meditation
2.  Sunshine
3.  Wanderlust
4.  The breath
5.  Pure body
6.  Groundedness
7.  Information
8.  Vibe Tribe
9.  Love

Hey you!

You’re not  alone.  You’re officially a part of my Vibe Tribe!  You’re supported by me.  You’re supported by this Community.  They are your Vibe Tribe.  I invite you to feel the feeling of inclusivesness…of belonging… with this intention I’m sending out to you.

Everything is awesome when you’re part of a team!

In the Spirit of inclusiveness. .I’m sending you this VERY inspirational song from the Lego movie…