Crossing over

WARNING readers, this is another one of those LES inducing posts.  Recommend tissues, chocolate and a quiet place to read.

Yesterday I booked in to complete my Reiki 2 accreditation.  That’s happening tomorrow.  I was feeling wistful.  I wanted to be in two places at once.  I wanted to be at Strathean house fasting too.  So the intention was formed – to cleanse, clear and make shiny my body – at least a 3 day fast.  I might need the additional strength that fasting brings in order to deal with big town Singapore this weekend!

Today is Day 2.  I’m feeling really good. Tummy is flatter, it wasn’t liking solid food.  It must have been the fish and chocolate brownie I just had to have the other night.  The main was cooked and it was soooo delicious.  The beetroot and potato mash from Soma was like velvet and to die for.  The brownie was raw and exactly filled my chocolate craving.

Today started like any other day in Ubud.  I woke early.  I checked my phone.  I did the 5 Tibetans.  I stopped into Juice Ja and ordered a wheatgrass shot and a Jamu.  I added chia, bee pollen and Maca to my Jamu.  I enjoyed it.

I walked to Yoga barn.  I’d booked a reading a few days ago.  Not sure why.  I had gone there to check out yoga schedules and two things stood out to me.
1. Eckhart Tolles book ‘The power of now’
2. Jana Johnson’s card

I bought the book.  And I made an appointment.

There was no reason or agenda for the appointment.  As I sat on the bench outside waiting to see Jana I thought I should probably write down some questions I wanted answered or some discussion topics.  But each time I went to think or write, my phone invited me into far more interesting conversations (that’s your fault Aaron!!!).  So when I was sitting cross legged on the floor faced with Jana, I had no expectations of what the session would hold.

The session didn’t start like a usual session.  There was no admin, no introduction to attend to.  I could tell Jana was a gentle soul.  We just started talking, like we’d known each other for an eternity but we were just catching up on recent events.  Eventually Scott came up in the conversation.  She asked if he’d died suddenly.  She was getting an accident but she thought it was a car accident.  We talked about how frustrated I’d felt last year that Scott wasn’t ‘contacting me’.  He’s a very spiritual person and our connection is so strong.  I couldn’t make sense of it.

On the last day of my retreat at Villa Boreh, I had an amazing meditation.  I should precede this story but explaining that in the amazing bubble of this retreat, I’d experienced two brief connections with him.  I’d been having wildly vivid dreams every night.  They were complex, multi-faceted dreams that I recalled in detail and could record when I awoke.  I found out 3 days later that the villa I was staying in was haunted.  I’m kind of thankful for that, because I was delivered many messages and lessons and truths.  The only night I didn’t dream, I’d eaten chocolate before bed, had a terrible sleep and woke in the morning with a powercord across my chest!  Make of that what you will!

The first dream I had was of Scott.  I won’t go into the detail in this post.

The second was before a challenging session I was about to go into. I was nervous.  As I walked into the kitchen, I ‘felt’ his sadness.  It’s what I’m going to call a BWH – Brush with Heaven.  Have I written of this concept before? I kind of feel like I have.  For the Grey’s Anatomy fans out there, there’s a scene when the spirit of Danny Ducat brushes past Izzie in the hallway.  Their hands mingle together in a stolen, still, moment in time.  Their soul’s acknowledge each other for the length of a heartbeat, before time continues.

This is what I experienced. …..as well as

…..SLES.

So back to the meditation.  Usually I’m pretty present, but on this day I was having a ho-hum experience.  It was an angel meditation.  However 3/4 of the  way through there was an invitation to meet your loved ones in heaven.  Immediately I was taken to a scene in the clouds.  Scott (wearing his Latitude shirt and his good shorts, not his canterbury shorts).  He was hugging me so tightly, crying, inconsolable.  Whispering in my ear that he was sorry for leaving me alone.  I was consoling him, saying it was ok.  Behind him, his Uncle Peter, to his left. Right hand on his shoulder, grave look on his face.  This  was unusal, because Uncle Peter never looks like that.  I felt his melancholy.  I felt his sadness, his grief and his frustration that he couldn’t help Scott.  Eveything was out of his control.  Nothing could be fixed.  I was shocked by the ferocity of the image, and felt my heart breaking just a little more.  My man was broken.  He didn’t want to leave me and I interpreted this as he was stuck and unable to cross.  He was still coming to terms with the suddenness of his departure and couldn’t reconcile this.

The meditation lasted another 15 minutes and I thought I had my shit together.  But I couldn’t shake the heavy feel of my heart and the cloud of sadness.  I felt like someone had punched me in the chest because it hurt..not physically, but like there was a huge weight and I was drowning in the feeling of it.  I couldn’t stop crying for half an hour.  I had to excuse myself…(I did have nose drippage down my face..so it was required).

There’s other stuff, but I’m going to revert back to my session today.

Jana thought the message of him being stuck was misinterpreted.  I’d correctly felt that he didn’t want to leave and applied my own definition of why.  This is what she said – “He doesn’t want to leave you because he doesn’t realise what this means.  He’s scared to leave you alone. Yes.  But he doesn’t want to leave your side because he’s scared you’re going to move into another relationship and fall in love.  He thinks you’ll forget him, that the love you shared will be dissipated.  LES!  He doesn’t realise that by moving into the light, all of those feelings will go, only love will remain”

We prayed.  The intention? To help move him.  To talk to him and allow him to believe that greater things awaited him.  I was in a place of turmoil at this stage.  The weight on my chest was back.  …..focus on breathing, focus on breathing….

We went through a process.  I said all I needed to say.  Jana guided.  Finally I received an image.  One that I’ve received before. Me and bummer, in the clouds, having a 30 second dance party.  Weight on chest gone.

Jana felt him revisit the crash site. Go through the motion of what happened and felt the flames of the bike burning.  Its helpful for me to add that I hadn’t given her the detail of his bike being on fire.  Then she felt a whoosh as him/his soul was sucked up into a vortex.  Does this mean he’s crossed? I don’t know.  Time will tell.

All I know is that this day has surprised me.  In a way that only Bali can,  healing has occurred.  Unexpectedly. And I’m grateful.  I’m putting it out there.

A little prayer :

Bummer, I love you like no other.
I miss you like no other.
But I need you to help guide me, and you can’t do that here.
Please join Uncle Peter in Heaven’s pub.
He needs you too.
Love from your Poni (whose now grown into a unicorn) xxx

And so it is
~Namaste~

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13 comments

  1. Garth Healey · October 27, 2014

    thanks xox

    Like

  2. Cara how · October 27, 2014

    Wow kirsty! I am really enjoying reading your blog! I never know what to write to you in return but hope you know we all love you very much and I’m so pleased you are discovering all these amazing people, places and spiritual experiences on your journey xx

    Like

    • Kirsty Healey · October 27, 2014

      You’ve just proved yourself wrong lady!! Thanks for the comment, love you too xx

      Like

    • Kirsty Healey · October 27, 2014

      ..as in you do know what to write Hehe

      Like

  3. Julia · October 27, 2014

    Aw Kirst, that gave me the heavy chest, a sore tummy, and a little of the LES too. The shitter of knowing and loving someone so well and being open to feeling things is that sometimes you feel their emotions too. Happens to me with Nige. I’ll be feeling really anxious or whatever for no reason and 9 times out of 10 I find out it’s because he’s feeling anxious! No fair! Big hugs to you, I think you’re really brave.

    Like

    • Kirsty Healey · October 27, 2014

      Loving your comments Jules – Thanks so much for contributing – I often ponder on connectedness. . When people talk about changing the world. . It really starts with self. If you’re happy you’re contributing little ray’s of peacefulness to inspire and educate. Your partner is always the first to receive!

      Like

  4. Anonymous · October 27, 2014

    LES!!!
    You know I love you…I’ll chat more in dream time (you know what I mean!)
    I have to go in search of tissues and that chocolate you mentioned.
    xoxoxox

    Like

  5. mariaadlam · October 27, 2014

    Oh I’m anonymous….Ma 🙂

    Like

    • Kirsty Healey · October 27, 2014

      Hehe. .I picked up that it was you! LES, Love and choc..all dead giveaways xxx

      Like

  6. Chris · October 27, 2014

    Hi Kirsty,
    Didn’t know how else to contact you about joining the reiki 2 course with you tomorrow. Give me a shout on 081916372782 with the details if you get this in time.
    Cheers,
    Chris
    Ps. Inspirational blogging btw 😉

    Like

  7. Anonymous · November 1, 2014

    Hey Kirs, this is weird as I’m reading your blogs out of order, well I say that but perhaps it is the right order for me. I have just read crossing over, it is now Saturday 1.11.14. I have been thinking of Scotty really vividly…more so lately…it would be like some place or event, anyway even today just before I sat down and checked the emails…I was thinking of him and smiling (perhaps that is because I was feeling a little anxious as Stefan is turning 17 tomorrow so the boys (and girls) are coming over for a few “quiet drinks” tonight and I thought stuff it Scotty would have cracked the bubbles and said have a drink and calm the frick down haha. Anyway just had SLES trying to explain to Rob…I decided Wednesday night that I needed to scribble not “journal thinking” but let the pen take over as I wanted to get some shit out about work, so I proceeded to scribble words, not sentences, anyway the very last thing I wrote and it was the only sentence which has given SLES badly was ” Scotty we haven’t forgotten you” “sad, frustrated we all are”….ummm we are all connected…and I have only had one glass of bubbles peeps 🙂 xoxo

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Kirsty Healey · November 1, 2014

    Mon, I know exactly what’s going on! Will text you now and send you an email that will explain everything. The scribbling is sooo right. . And so therapeutic and do you know what? It makes total sense to me. .Go the bubbles…u need to just go with whatever is right for you now. Big love xxx

    Like

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