Ok folks, you can all let out that collective breath you were holding. Yesterday’s blog was just a tad heavy. I’m not apologising for it – there will be more like it. As my amazing friend Slinny put it ‘it answered the questions that I was too afraid to ask’. My answer to that? I’m in a good space – so ask away people, whatever, whenever. I invite you to comment actively. It creates a healing environment for everyone and promotes deeper discussion.
We’re real friends now – we’ve shared some painful experiences. We know each other. We know the pain, the questions in each other’s heart’s- May Sarton
A lesson in being present – yet again!!
As an aside, here’s what happened. It seems that being present is a constant challenge for me. Last night I wrote 2/3 of a blog. I wanted to write a blog on health. I have lots to say on health. I had spent the whole day texting various friends and family bits of what I thought was helpful information and opinion. Soooo…it turns out I was in sermon mode. Oops…sorry to my victims! Though I think I’m getting better at assisting people by enabling them rather than rescuing them (tx for making that point Michael!), I wondered why I had so much material on health but it wasn’t coming together. Why did it all feel wrong? I gave up and retired from my awesome candlelit table on the beach, to my villa. I opened my journal. And out spilled yesterday’s blog in one foul dark evacuation.
But as hard as I tried, I couldn’t get it to publish. WordPress is a bitch with slow internet!
I woke up thinking about my blog failures and spent the next hour walking around the beach (tough I know) finding enough reception to publish, then edit, update and republish. Finally done. Interestingly, despite it being the weekend, there was very little feedback. I now know you all read my blog secretly at work while pretending to download quarterly reports or something else similarly less interesting than reading about death. Were you all too shocked and dumbfounded into silence. Maybe you felt uncomfortable and didn’t know what to say? Please don’t tell me you haven’t read it and less than one year on I’m no longer the centre of your universe. Two letters people – WP!! I still have a month left of my minimum one year of support – so in the words of Cristina Yang ‘buck up’.
oh and thx for sticking round..xx
It seems we all prefer to be inspired, and we feel disconcerted by awkward, emotional and frankly depressing situations. (Correct me if I’m wrong) As I noted on one of my group chats – some things are just fucked up – whichever way you look at them.
Savour this moment
Anyway, Kirsty, get to the point..my little truth was that I was trying to educate (ie rescue/preach) instead of being inspired by the purpose of this blog – to heal myself. The blogs must be written with my story in mind and it must be true for me today – I have to be feeling it in order to be inspired to write about it. When I blog with this purpose in mind, the words flow effortlessly, the posts write themselves. Just like this one is.
The second lesson in being present came as I embarked on my adventure this afternoon. For the first hour I felt anxiety in my gut. I looked into it. Turns out I couldn’t stop thinking about epic blog failure. Maybe I’d lost the Bali magic? Maybe all the super powers I’d built up from the retreat had dissipated over the course of a week? Possible. No. Back came a simple and critical affirmation:
Savour this moment. Taste it, smell it, hear it, feel it, touch it.
Instantaneously I felt the anxiety shift. I felt lighter. Clarity returned..and with it the inspiration for this blog!
Anyone who has ever done any sales training or been in a professional role knows about posturing.
Cambridge Definition: Posturing
A behaviour or speech intended to attract attention or interest in order to make people believe something that is not true.
I’m not completely ok with this definition – its so much more than that, however for the purpose of this it’ll be fine. I raise this with reference to KUWTJT. Keeping Up With The Jones theory. One reason I desperately wanted to escape Wellington before I exploded, was KUWTJT. Everyone is chasing the million dollar property with the million dollar mortgage, 2.5 kids, some kind of dog involving a doodle (spoodle, labradoodle), and the latest SUV. I’m not going to go all Nigel Latta on you…yet…but Welly just isn’t my space at the moment. For most its a race without a finish line. One of my teacher friends from Hong Kong sent me the following – many thanks secret agent Marissa.
As I was sidling back from 3 hours of pampering massage I observed 3 Balinese women elegantly swaying down the sidewalk, heavy baskets balanced atop their heads, body perfectly aligned from top to toe, shoulders back. They were delighting in each others company, basking in life, content to just be. We could label it an excellent picture of deportment. I like to think of it as the antithesis of Western posturing – Anti-Posturing.
Behaviour or speech intended for no particular reason except to live in the moment in alignment with your truth thereby creating unlimited inner peace – a skill which other people are intrigued by for their inability to replicate it in their own lives.
Yesterday and every year, the Balinese have a ceremony where they give thanks and gratitude to their cars and motorcycles. They hang decorations on their respective vehicles. They give thanks that these machines have worked relentlessly for them over the past year and they pray for it to continue. This also includes all appliances and technology, coffee machines, laptops etc. This sounds slightly odd, right? Not to me. But that’s a whole discussion for a different blog. Every 6 months they also give thanks to all the trees amongst other things.
Made the photographer has a habit of saying thank after every sentence. Our conversations tend to go like this:
M – Here’s your mango Thank you
K – No -Thank YOU!
M – No – Thank YOU!!
I slog away correcting my self talk, plastering positive affirmations everywhere and diarising my morning gratitude session, but to the Balinese its second nature. Everyone is expected to participate, its engrained into them from birth.
Mades business is called Good Karma – I consider it very good fortune indeed that I met him. Most Balinese that I’ve met are intensely aware of the effects of good and bad karma.
Made the driver described how his driver friend set an above market price for an Aussie client. The result – a serious accident and his vehicle (& livelihood) out of commission.
There is a repayment of debt required by any visitor to a place like Bali. You got to come here and have a dirt cheap holiday. Pay it forward. These people need your help.
This evening I spent 3 hours with Made setting up a facebook page for his business. We scootered to his friends warung and ate delicious spicy homecooked local food. We chatted about some easy strategies and add ons to the business but mainly it was about him, who he was, how to deal with his brain busy-ness, what was his first inspiration to start sculpting, how big was his house going to be when he was rolling in cash….Dinner was $4.50. I splashed out and had 2 iced teas.
Definition : Best Version Of Me
There are several themes that keep popping up for me:
1) Remaining present
2) Focussing on fun times
3) Holding space
1) and 2) I’ve talked about already.
Made and I trekked into see 2 waterfalls today. The second one was amazing. I think because noone else was around and we could get really close and feel the spray and noise engulf us. It had crazy good energy and I immediately felt a desire to do some reiki (are you reading this Aaron S. and applauding??)…and yes people, the cats out of the bag, I practice Reiki! Made was intrigued when I told him I was going to do a Reiki session and said enthusiastically ‘me too!’ So I did a short self reiki treatment. It was just what I needed. I opened my eyes to find a Swiss couple waiting politely for me to finish. The calm and peace I’d been missing from the start of the day had instaneously been replenished and I was feeling a little humbled and also ashamed I hadn’t been following a daily practice.
In one of my sessions with Michael, 3 very distinct personalities were revealed. Realme had been buried under a pile of shit for so long that her little voice was meek and she had given up.
Holding space means so many things to me:
1) Following my intuition
5) 80% raw diet
6) Keeping Realme happy
7) Remaining present
8) Expressing gratitude
9) Sunshine, Sea
10) Climbing mountains
Undoubtedly 95% of the readers of my blog at this stage will be positively confused. But I don’t blame you for that. My own mother sent me a SMS asking what I was really doing in Bali. My mother in law wanted to make sure I hadn’t joined a cult. You might think I’ve changed. I’m telling you now, I’ve just been dusting off the BVOM – Better Version Of Me.
My current affirmations:
– Savour this moment
– Fun, Freedom, Health, Spirit
Very touching movie on Bali:
Bali: Life is an offering (Thx for the recommendation Michael)
The Secret: the Law of attraction