Life happens. It happens for a reason.

the present

We can’t anticipate the grief process and what comes next.  Once again, I sat down to write, on a completely different topic, but my mind diverted me to what is true for me today, what I need to express today.

I often muse that a lot of people, myself included, who have experienced a trauma, if they survive, quite often are reawakened to a sense of purpose, a desire to change, an enlightenment and a need to simplify and learn their truth.  In fact, that is how we should have been living in the first place, but somehow along the way, life has gotten in the way and we’ve forgotten how to look after our bodies and our minds.  In fact, the universe has been sending you signs all along, telling you that you’re not on your path.  When we don’t listen, the shit hits the fan.

If you are not at peace, then you are not on your path

I’ve learned this the hard way, but I’ve also come to an important realisation – Everything is for a reason, nothing is by accident.  The only true way to navigate life is to listen to your intuition.  The universe will tell you when you’re off course….just follow the breadcrumbs..


I constantly muse around ‘Free Will’ versus ‘Everything happening for a reason, nothing by accident’.  The universe is intelligent.  As a network of living creatures, we are intelligent.  Whether you choose to believe it or not, we are connected – either unconsciously, or consciously (if you wish).

Scott (my husband) was an excellent motorbike rider.  He took risks, he rode fast, without fear, completely in the present.  I’ve never felt unsafe riding with him.  I trusted him and his ability implicitly.  So did his friends.  His life was a history of risk – Airforce pilot, Rugby and Cricket Rep, Foreign Exchange Trader.  He had lots of accidents, head injuries, knee injuries, car and bike accidents.  He made lots of mistakes, but he didn’t die…until the 23 November 2013.

Was this woven into the fabric of the universe?  Did he have a higher power calling him home?  Or was it just an accident.  If, like me, you adhere to the theory that everything is for a reason, nothing by accident, it either follows that the Universe was calling him home, or it was his own free will – he decided.

Scott didn’t enjoy his job in Hong Kong, for whatever reason.  We always had very open discussions around death and dying.  When he was most miserable he’d tell me that his soul was dying.  He had a desperate desire to come home to NZ.  Anyone who knows us, knows that the last 6 years have been financially unstable, stressful.  So, we give away our beautiful dogs and leave for Hong Kong.  Two and a half years later, Scott gets made redundant.  7 months after we’ve settled back into NZ, Scott is dead.

The most unfair part of this journey, is that, he was finally home, there was a light at the end of the tunnel, and then,  some asshole in heaven decided it was his time.  Or did they? If you knew Scott, like me, you’d understand that a part of his Soul did die, it died awhile ago under the burden of life.

Life happens.  It happens for a reason.

The universe has a funny way of ensuring that balance ensues.  The body also has this ability – you just haven’t been listening to the signs.  When the Yin doesn’t equal the Yang, your lifeforce is challenged.

After Scott passed, my world fell apart.  My friend, Simone, describes it as being in a washing machine.  When I finally went back to work, I started experiencing strong, desperate desires to get back in my car and just drive – anywhere – as long as I wasn’t at work.  I finally answered that call in June this year and its the best decision I’ve made.  (more on that later)

I realise that Scott’s death was an event that has catapulted me into the life that is my true and authentic self.  For that I am grateful.  I wish with all of my heart, that he was still here with me.  But also, I wish that I had not been stupid and made bad decisions.


Morning pages

I wanted to add in a handy tool for uncovering that pesky true self…

This technique was recommended to me by my friend Jehanne Thomas of

It involves 3 pages of stream of consciousness journelling and is pretty powerful stuff. I recommend making this a regular practice.



  1. mariaadlam · October 2, 2014

    I love this post šŸ™‚
    I love that you are discovering your true authentic self….I love that, through this, the light is starting to sparkle in your eyes again. I love that I’m on this journey with you. Xoxo


    • Kirsty Healey · October 2, 2014

      That’s what I love the most.. your companionship on my journey..the deep sometimes silent connection. .the “knowingness ;)”


  2. Katrina · October 2, 2014

    This blog entry has really made me think Kirst, about you, Scott and and my own self. Taking the time to read these, because you write them and that’s one small thing I can do for you across the miles, makes me stop and reflect on your healing and your strengths. Again thanks for sharing them, I look forward to receiving them regularly.


    • Kirsty Healey · October 2, 2014

      Tx Trine x
      3 reasons I write them
      1. For myself and my own healing
      2. For my frds & family, so they understand
      3. For anyone else that can take some comfort or find some perspective
      Tx for taking the time to read x


  3. Mike · October 14, 2014

    Hi Poni – so I’ve just read your posts – thank-you! As you know, I’m not too flash expressing my feelings which means I fall out of touch with those closet to Scotty. I gotta change that! So thank-you for this blog and being open about the last 10 months and your journey forward. I’m so glad that you’ve turned a corner and you can breathe again! I’ve always admired you Poni – more now than ever.

    I’ll take you up on the invitation to try and grieve with grace and deal with Scotty’s death. The past 10 months I’ve purposely just made myself so busy to hide from facing it and park the pain. I’m normally philosophical – even spiritual – but I gotta tell ya – I’m still struggling with losing Scotty. Even though I have a wonderful life and family – my world seems grey, dull and sad, no-one will ever know me like he did – I need to mount a come back. Your blog will help – so keep posting PoniPoni. Looking forward to seeing everyone in December. Love you x


    • Kirsty Healey · October 14, 2014

      Oh my! SLES! (Spontaneous Leaky Eye Syndrome). Tx for reading Mikey. Its important to me to write this but more important for you to read it. This post is for you. Just reading your comment right now I got a sense of rightness, of everything being ok, the pieces of our universe being kind of reawakened, being pulled back together after massive chaos…awesome!! Love you x


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